Dear Tech Employees: Here's How to Survive a Layoff
You built something real. It felt like family. That's why being let go can be so deeply traumatizing. Here's what the experts say you should do if the worst happens.
A layoff hits hard, and hits weird. There’s the anger, sure. But there can also be a strange reluctance to feel angry. Powerful disorientation. A feeling of years wasted. A deep desire to explain your own dismissal as good business strategy. All of this isn’t madness or weakness; it’s well-understood psychology. And the good news—and it’s important to focus on what you can control right now—is that a lot of very esteemed researchers have spent a lot of time studying exactly what you’re going through, and exactly what helps.
AnnE Deimer of AED HR has worked with laid-off tech workers, and says her first message to them is not to blame themselves. “People say ‘well, if I’d performed better...’ but it’s never about that.” She says for people in tech, a layoff can be especially jarring. “Tech companies often provide breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and events and engagements and classes—those are all ways to make you feel like you're a part of something, and you were.” But in the end, she points out, the rhetoric about belonging to something bigger is internal marketing. “That sense of belonging and family and trust was an illusion to support the business,” she says. “We are at-will employees. That’s how most of our contracts are set up. So this could happen to anyone.” In the end, she says, “it’s not about you.”
Here’s what the research says you should know, and do, if the worst happens.
Understand why you feel loyal to the company that just fired you — before that feeling costs you.
Psychologist Jennifer Freyd, professor emerit at the University of Oregon and founder of the Center for Institutional Courage, developed the concept of “institutional betrayal” — the deep psychological harm that occurs when a church, a university, a company betrays the very people who depend on it. Her research, and the broader framework she calls “betrayal trauma theory,” explains something counterintuitive: in situations of explicit mistreatment, those who harmed us may actually manipulate us, consciously or not, into remaining silent and unaware. Part of it is that we’re very often conditioned over time to ignore the potential for betrayal at work. As she told me in a 2025 podcast interview, “when somebody’s in a job situation and their employer’s mistreating them and they’re fully aware of the betrayal and they react with the natural kind of responses of withdrawal or confrontation, they may lose that job. So the consequences of seeing betrayal can be very great.” In workplace terms, this can show up as a reluctance to negotiate your severance, an impulse to protect the company’s reputation, or a nagging sense that you must have done something wrong. You didn’t. Name what happened, and then act in your own interest.
→ Resource: Freyd’s Center for Institutional Courage:
https://www.institutionalcourage.org
Do not sign anything for at least 21 days — and get a lawyer to read it first.
For companies with 100 or more employees, the federal WARN Act requires 60 days’ advance notice before major workforce reductions. If that notice wasn’t given, you may be owed back pay and benefits for each day of insufficient notice. Beyond that, severance agreements are legally binding contracts, and signing quickly is almost always a mistake. Experts recommend starting any negotiation by asking for three weeks’ pay for every year worked, and accepting no less than two weeks per year. If you are over 40, federal law gives you a minimum of 21 days to consider a severance agreement and 7 days to revoke it after signing.
→ Resource: U.S. Department of Labor WARN Act FAQ: https://webapps.dol.gov/elaws/eta/warn/faqs.asp → Resource: National Employment Law Project (free guides on your rights):
https://www.nelp.org
File for unemployment benefits the day you’re laid off.
This sounds obvious, but research consistently shows that people delay filing out of shame, denial, or the belief that they’ll land a new job quickly. Studies show that organizational downsizing has a significant relationship with employees’ depressive symptoms — particularly among those who had previously felt stable and secure in their roles. Filing immediately not only starts your financial clock; it forces you to take the first concrete step in your own recovery.
→ Resource: USA.gov unemployment benefits finder by state: https://www.usa.gov/unemployment-benefits
Activate your COBRA health coverage within 60 days — and try to negotiate the premiums.
Under the Consolidated Omnibus Budget Reconciliation Act (COBRA), a terminated employee is entitled to continue health coverage under the company’s plan for up to 18 months after termination — though they are generally responsible for paying the full premium, including the employer’s share. That cost can be steep. What many employees don’t know is that COBRA continuation payments are often negotiable as part of a severance package. Typical negotiated arrangements can include employer reimbursement of the premium for six to twelve months after termination.
→ Resource: HealthCare.gov COBRA information and marketplace alternatives: https://www.healthcare.gov/unemployed/cobra-coverage
Grieve your job the way you would grieve anything else — because the research says you should.
Involuntary job loss is a major life event that causes real damage beyond the financial hit: severe emotional distress, disruption of identity and social status, and a decrease in physical wellbeing. Sociologist Dawn R. Norris, in her book Job Loss, Identity, and Mental Health, found through extensive interviews that losing a job leaves people feeling confused, hurt, and powerless — because our jobs are often a central part of who we are. That’s not delusion or self-pity. It is a documented and important psychological repair process. Trying to skip the grief and jump straight to LinkedIn is a common mistake that often prolongs the pain.
→ Resource: Job Loss, Identity, and Mental Health by Dawn R. Norris (Rutgers University Press): https://www.rutgersuniversitypress.org/job-loss-identity-and-mental-health/9780813573830/
Protect your mental health with the same urgency you’d give a physical injury.
Research has found that tailored mental health support is needed to alleviate the effects of organizational layoffs — particularly for workers who previously had stable employment and had not anticipated disruption. Studies also show that institutional betrayal — that’s harmful or negligent institutional responses to employee harm, see above — is associated with decreased job satisfaction, increased physical symptoms, and eroded organizational commitment. You don’t have to be in crisis to benefit from talking to someone. Many therapists offer sliding-scale fees, and if you have active health benefits, use them now, before the clock runs out.
→ Resource: Open Path Collective (low-cost therapy, $30–$80/session):
https://openpathcollective.org
→ Resource: Psychology Today therapist finder (filter by sliding scale): https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/therapists
Rebuild your network before you need it — not just because loneliness sucks right now, but because isolation makes everything you need to do next harder.
Research on unemployment consistently shows that job loss causes a decrease in social contact, because friendships built around a workplace are harder to maintain once people are no longer employed in the same organization. This contraction of social world isn’t just emotionally painful — it actively slows re-employment. Schedule coffee. Show up to things you’d normally skip. Tell people what happened. The discomfort of disclosure is almost always smaller than the cost of isolation.
→ Resource: Layoffs.fyi community and resources for tech workers:
https://layoffs.fyi
→ Resource: Tech Interview Handbook (free job search guide for engineers): https://www.techinterviewhandbook.org
→ Resource: Never Search Alone (free, organized support groups to guide your search):
https://www.neversearchalone.org/
Watch out for the “survivor guilt” trap — it will affect your reference network.
Research shows that witnessing a layoff has significant psychological and behavioral effects on those who remain — including compromised organizational commitment and increased intentions to leave. This part really sucks. Your colleagues who still have jobs may be in their own kind of shock, and may pull back precisely when you need them. This is not a reflection of your value to them. Give them grace — and reach out directly, specifically, with a simple ask. People want to help; they just don’t know how.
Know that the story you tell yourself right now matters more than almost anything else.
Research analyzing data from nearly 22,000 employees found that when layoffs are compulsory and perceived as unfair or poorly communicated, they deepen mistrust and reduce morale significantly. But the research also shows that how workers frame the experience — as a systemic failure versus a personal one — is a major predictor of recovery speed and re-employment outcomes. You were laid off by a company making decisions about headcount. That is not the same thing as being found lacking. The difference sounds small. It is not.
→ Resource: Blind to Betrayal by Jennifer Freyd and Pamela Birrell (on understanding institutional dynamics and reclaiming your own narrative): https://www.amazon.com/Blind-Betrayal-Organizations-Government-Cheat/dp/047087229X
This article failed to explain how people continue to betray and not help after your laid off even when you reach out for help because shithole capitalism has too many too busy to actually help besides antidote disconnected advice. That has been the hardest part of this journey.
Super cool event. It’s sold out, not surprised. Hope you do more!